The loneliness of getting a divorce pales in comparison to the loneliness of being in a bad marriage, but today I will focus on the loneliness of divorce. Specifically, how it isolates you socially.
Although I have not regretted my decision and have accepted the reality of my choice, I have to live with that decision daily. Most days it is great and very worth the price. The good outweighs the bad and I want to encourage anyone in this situation that there are happy days ahead.
But there are also some very sad days. Days of feeling like a failure. Days where the social stigma of getting a divorce weighs heavy and you realize you’ve lost some friends . I think I am surprised by this the most. I didn’t expect to lose friends in this way.
In my case, it wasn’t “couple friends” that chose me or him. It was the discovery that women I thought were life-long friends simply could not accompany me on this journey. It conflicted with their own paths.
Then there is the shame that comes with admitting the biggest thing you committed to didn’t last. There are many days where you feel a deep sadness that your family is not intact. Holidays can really suck. It is not what you planned for. No one hopes to be in this spot.
But for some, it is necessary.
And there is life after divorce. In my case, a much happier one.
I will call this loneliness relevium dolorsolum. (Relief, pain, lonely) This type of loneliness is an oxymoron, since the name means both relief and pain. But you’ll notice I put relief first.